My proudest song/Music as therapy

[RevDrucifer]

This might be a bit too much TMI for some, but I don’t really care right now. I had to rely on every bit of my support group around me to keep an eye on me the last few days because I was quite deadest on taking a permanent vacation. I’ve been in therapy for a bit now and while it’s doing some work, it definitely hadn’t prepared me for what I was going to discover on Thursday afternoon. I don’t want to get into it, but it was bad and I’m a huge, open wound.

My therapist is telling me to start releasing the music I’ve been bottling up because I have been keeping a lot of things to myself and this might be beneficial in getting things off my chest.

This song fell out of my ass a few months back in about 20 minutes time, the arrangement, the time changes, the strings, everything. I’ve considered touching up some parts as 95% of the vocals are improvised and the first takes. The bridge especially was pulled out of my ass as I sang it and while there’s a rawness to it I don’t dig, the rawness also makes it complete.

It’s not metal by any means and is much closer to a Floyd tune than anything. I’ve never written anything that properly translated my emotions into music, so this was a major change for me and is what I’ve been trying to achieve for years.

This song could certainly be considered my initial cry for help, because anyone paying attention to the lyrics can get an idea of what’s being discussed here. Regardless, here’s “Lonely Ocean”

[scole]

Sounds great, just like all your stuff. Hope you’re able to keep getting the help that you’ve been leaning on so far. You’re one of the many solid dudes here on the board and would definitely be missed. Keep plugging away!

[RevDrucifer]

Sounds great, just like all your stuff. Hope you’re able to keep getting the help that you’ve been leaning on so far. You’re one of the many solid dudes here on the board and would definitely be missed. Keep plugging away!

Thank you, brother. I appreciate that.

If this were just a divorce, it’d be one thing. Or if we had problems the whole time, but that wasn’t it. It’s entirely one sided and the woman I love and respect more than anything feels she needs time alone to just be herself. She’s never not been in a relationship so I can understand that; I had to adapt and make some pretty crazy decisions in life when I was kid due to having psychotic parents. I also tried breaking things off years ago because I was in the same place she is now an she refused to allow me to do so then, but that was 10 years go and we’ve grown since then. I just want to her happy, but ideally, I want her happy with me.

[Chris]

Great stuff man.

[Iron1]

I've always believed real music is the sound of emotion. Whether it's the emotion of the writer, performer(s) or listener. This one drips emotion.

[mpexus]

I really digged it

[RevDrucifer]

Thanks gents.

I’m unselfishly sucking up whatever love I can get right now

[Chris]

Finally had time to check this out on proper monitors - really great stuff dude.

[RevDrucifer]

Finally had time to check this out on proper monitors - really great stuff dude.

Thanks, man.

I had initially planned on re-recording a lot of it, but when it popped up in my iTunes this weekend I just said “Fuck it, this sums it all up as it is”

I appreciate you listening man, thanks.

[Chris]

My only quibble is your kick drum sound - it's pretty muffled sounding on my HS80s. Is there a really aggressive HPF on it?

I love all the layering you have going on. Very Floydian.

[jim777]

Agreed with all above, I thought that was excellent! If you want, I'm sure as a group we could get you a few phone numbers of guys who would take your call whenever you needed to talk. We're here, we're on your side and happy to have your back.

[RevDrucifer]

My only quibble is your kick drum sound - it's pretty muffled sounding on my HS80s. Is there a really aggressive HPF on it?

I love all the layering you have going on. Very Floydian.

Hmmm….I can’t even remember. I know I spent a while trying not to get something clicky, so that may be the result of that.

[RevDrucifer]

Agreed with all above, I thought that was excellent! If you want, I'm sure as a group we could get you a few phone numbers of guys who would take your call whenever you needed to talk. We're here, we're on your side and happy to have your back.

Thanks, bro.

I was actually pretty smart when shit hit the fan and did everything someone should do when no longer in control of their thoughts or feelings. I went to my friends house, gave him my keys and told him to hide all our firearms and not to tell either of us where they are, then immediately called my CFO who was there in 15 minutes, then reached out to my therapist. Since then, I’ve had a team of people checking in on me regularly. I’m back to work today and since nothing but chaos ensued while I was out, I’ve got my hands full with that. Things are “comfortable” at home. We’re communicating every step of the way and ultimately, things aren’t going to work out the way I wanted them to…..let’s just say “Promised Land” IS the theme of my life right now. I couldn’t think of a more fucking perfect goddamn song to sum up everything right now….not a single one.

I’ve also got a consultation for ketamine infusion therapy later today. It’s pretty interesting how it works and seems to have a pretty high effective rate. Really, I just need something to boost my mind over a couple pages in the future, which is precisely what it does within a few treatments. In theory, anyway.

Thanks though, brother. I know some of these posts are TMI for some people, but I’m in a fairly IDGAF mode right now.

[jim777]

I'm glad things are looking at least comfortable for you right now, hopefully the ketamine stuff helps as well!

[Chris]

Also since this is MG, er, MM, clearly it sucks and needs more blast beats.

NOT VERY GRVM OF YOU, DRU. DO YOU WANT TO BE DRU OR DROO, L0RD OF THE M00N'S M1ST?!

[RevDrucifer]

Also since this is MG, er, MM, clearly it sucks and needs more blast beats.

NOT VERY GRVM OF YOU, DRU. DO YOU WANT TO BE DRU OR DROO, L0RD OF THE M00N'S M1ST?!

I’ve got some other stuff comin…..that song came from feeling sad and clueless. The voice that came out of me Thursday was one I’d never heard in my life and if I can get that recorded….well… I’m honestly scared to get into the headspace that brought that voice out, but holy shit. I’ve got a buddy who has been doing nothing but black/death/tech stuff and asked him to send me some tracks to go off on.

[jacksonplayer]

I love the rawness of this track, and I think it's perfect that you released it as it is. This is about expression.

It's good to hear that you're dealing with this stuff as best you can. Just stay safe.

Playing and creating music is best therapy there is, in my opinion. My job really sucks right now, and I'm mostly working remote right now from my home studio. There are times I'm so sad and wound-up about what the assholes who run my division are doing, that the only thing that can bring me back is jazzy noodling around on my G&L for a while. Sure, it's a crutch, but why not.

[RevDrucifer]

I love the rawness of this track, and I think it's perfect that you released it as it is. This is about expression.

It's good to hear that you're dealing with this stuff as best you can. Just stay safe.

Playing and creating music is best therapy there is, in my opinion. My job really sucks right now, and I'm mostly working remote right now from my home studio. There are times I'm so sad and wound-up about what the assholes who run my division are doing, that the only thing that can bring me back is jazzy noodling around on my G&L for a while. Sure, it's a crutch, but why not.

I hear ya, man.

Unfortunately, a lot of times when I go to play, it feels like all those feelings are right there at the surface and I’ll melt down if I start playing into them. I guess I just need to power through it and get it all out. This particular song came in a moment of calm.