The gift of death metal

[Chris]

...Does not smile upon the good looking.

[Mike]

Creeping.


Rusty.


Meat.

[Iron1]

[noodles]

JUGGA JIGGA WUGGA

[thrashinbatman]

"the Winnie Wincent Inwasion"

[Greg McCoy]

I remember this, it came out when I was in high school.

Once I was hanging out with a bunch of high school friends I hadn't seen in a while, as well as some of their acquaintances I had just met, and it was like 2 AM in the morning in Denver and everybody is fucking wasted, and we are sitting in the ground in a circle doing whatever stupidly wasted people do in the middle of some preppy suburban neighborhood local private college students who wear boat shoes and polo shirts use for housing, and my one friend is like "SHIT, I LOST MY PHONE, SOMEONE CALL IT, MAYBE ITS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE".

I was one of the least wasted people there, so I offered, "No problem dude".

So everyone is fanned out, and someone's girlfriend or whatever yells, " (high school classmates name) I found your phone, it says you are getting a call from HEAVY METAL" from the middle of a fucking hedge.

She stumbles her way out of the fucking hedge of brambles and comes back to the circle of people with the dude's phone and shows everyone the screen and it just says "1 missed call from HEAVY METAL". (in all caps no less)

I don't know if it was supposed to be flattering, but I am actually offended if people don't have me saved as a contact in their phones under HEAVY METAL (in all caps) instead of my name.

[Iron1]

This makes me think of my all-time fave Beavis & Butthead line, "The only thing cooler than bands that get chicks, are bands that scare chicks... heh heh"

[Mike]

You don't want to miss any calls from Heavy Metal.

[Greg McCoy]

This makes me think of my all-time fave Beavis & Butthead line, "The only thing cooler than bands that get chicks, are bands that scare chicks... heh heh"

"Bands that get chicks" is just a cliche invented by dudes that needed a justification to continue playing fucking terrible music.

Chicks actually dig making their own choices and not being told they have to like bands of guys singing lame shit while wearing their makeup.

Besides, modern music that "gets chicks" is mostly made by machines. So what does that really say about the people justifying playing shitty hair metal by saying, "It gets more chicks."

Thought you were a motherfucking cassanova with your C list Bullet Boyz bulletshit because some semi MILF once attended one of your shitty bar shows and now this fucking box is getting more pussy than you. Weak.



Play whatever the fuck you want. Ever notice how the things that generally are said to get the "most chicks" are being confident and funny?

Yeah.

Wanna see the "the only way to get chicks is playing really shitty glam metal" theory torpedoed in two pictures?

[Chris]

Besides, modern music that "gets chicks" is mostly made by machines. So what does that really say about the people justifying playing shitty hair metal by saying, "It gets more chicks."

You're mistaken here. Modern music that gets chicks with a pocket (and stomach) full of pills is made by machines.

Modern music that gets chicks who aren't full of MDMA is made by dudes in cowboy hats singing about pickup trucks.

Modern music that gets absolutely no chicks at all is made by Scale the Summit.

[Greg McCoy]

You're mistaken here. Modern music that gets chicks with a pocket (and stomach) full of pills is made by machines.

Modern music that gets chicks who aren't full of MDMA is made by dudes in cowboy hats singing about pickup trucks.

I don't honestly know if Republican voters are preferable to coked out zombies.

You're making a pretty convincing argument to play more Death Metal than ever if those are the choices on the table.

[Chris]

I don't honestly know if Republican voters are preferable to coked out zombies.

You're making a pretty convincing argument to play more Death Metal than ever if those are the choices on the table.

I love making fun of both republicans and country music fans as much as any good New England liberal. But country music brings the ladies man. There are a hell of a lot more smokeshows dancing around to Kenny Chesney than there are to every band in metal combined.

Edit: Maybe that's what the Quad Cortez should promise next? The perfect distillation of getting fine ladies to come to your djent shows.

[Greg McCoy]

I love making fun of both republicans and country music fans as much as any good New England liberal. But country music brings the ladies man. There are a hell of a lot more smokeshows dancing around to Kenny Chesney than there are to every band in metal combined.

Edit: Maybe that's what the Quad Cortez should promise next? The perfect distillation of getting fine ladies to come to your djent shows.

Your statements are supported by historical fact. Garth Brooks conducted a lengthy experiment on it in the late 90s. It's remembered about as fondly as Trotsky in a Stalin photo.

[Greg McCoy]

It's possible we have finally found the answer to one of the most ancient of unanswered questions.

The answer is "playing pop country and wearing a cowboy hat".

Death growled "YEE-HAWs" are fine though.

[Überschall]

Do you want to join my guild?

[noodles]

I love making fun of both republicans and country music fans as much as any good New England liberal. But country music brings the ladies man. There are a hell of a lot more smokeshows dancing around to Kenny Chesney than there are to every band in metal combined.

That’s because grunge made rock no fun. All the hair metal chicks traded in their perms, high heels, and leather pants for tight jeans and cowboy boots. And I’m fine with that, since by and large not much has change: hot chicks, formulaic music.

[Snoop Travvy Travv]

I love making fun of both republicans and country music fans as much as any good New England liberal. But country music brings the ladies man. There are a hell of a lot more smokeshows dancing around to Kenny Chesney than there are to every band in metal combined.

Edit: Maybe that's what the Quad Cortez should promise next? The perfect distillation of getting fine ladies to come to your djent shows.

Ya let's talk about how my mom decided she was gonna see Kenny in concert for the 20x time a few hours from me and then decided she would visit me afterwards. Do not put a woman of any age in between reality and the chance to be in the same building as Kenny Chesney. You will not fare well if you do. I love metal to death but women love their Kenny Chesney more. Even though I have more hair on my chest than he does on his head which isn't saying much because its like 32 hairs.

[Mike]

That’s because grunge made rock no fun. All the hair metal chicks traded in their perms, high heels, and leather pants for tight jeans and cowboy boots. And I’m fine with that, since by and large not much has change: hot chicks, formulaic music.

The exception that proves the rule - Maroon 5. Not country. Entire audience = hot chicks of all ages.

[Chris]

The exception that proves the rule - Maroon 5. Not country. Entire audience = hot chicks of all ages.

Yeah, that radio pop/rock crossover (wtfever) shit has it's draw. It's music for people (mostly women) who enjoy music but don't like country. Coldplay, Imagine Dragons and bands like that. My wife likes all of that stuff because it's relaxing and unobtrusive. I don't mind it either, it's what we usually have on in the car for road trips w/the kids.

[Drew]

"Bands that get chicks" is just a cliche invented by dudes that needed a justification to continue playing fucking terrible music.

Win, sir.

Modern music that gets absolutely no chicks at all is made by Scale the Summit.

Poor Chris whats-his-name. Letchford?

Besides, as all the OG /7/ crew know, all you need to get mad chicks is tonic water and a pink polo.

[Budda]

"He pulls, man. He puulllls."

[Dominic]

I'm quite used to seeing pics of Chris' Gains posted on this site, but that's the first time it wasn't a screenshot from Strava...